You Should Buy Tickets to My Dreams



A few weeks ago I dreamt that I was the tiny Asian girl from the movie Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon floating across Bonsai treetops while teaching martial arts. Except it wasn’t exactly martial arts because I had no flexibility, was pregnant, and had a miscarriage mid-air! WTF? Furthermore, the setting all of a sudden changed into my college dormitory courtyard where some younger guy was following me around from the ground as I fluttered around like a cracked out, pregnant, delusional fairy.


How in the hell does any brain make a story up about teaching martial arts somewhere in Asia terminally pregnant to courting young men from the air as the sugar plum fairy somewhere in the Western world!? A f*cked up one, probably. But who’s counting?

Dreams are something else, I tell you. The fact that I can actually remember some of my more morbid or mind-boggling dreams is beyond me. A lot of people cannot remember their dreams, but when you can, the result can be very interesting and telling about your actual life.

Lately, I’ve been having a ton of weirdly connected and vibrant dreams. Most of them are normal scenes in life but in very strange environments, and violent. This is why I have chosen to create a category dedicated to dream-deciphering called “The Dreamazon” and hope that you can gain something out of it all.

Let’s dissect my dream for fun by breaking it into elements:

  • Asia of another country – To dream of Asia represents situations in your life that are abnormal, unusual, or that you perceive to be “backwards”. A sign that you may need to adjust to a situation or are experiencing culture shock.
  • Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon (movie) – This means you’re weird and want to fly fighting fire breathing dragons. J/K. I really could not find anything on this part.
  • Flying – Control, new perspective, freedom, spiritual connection, escape, inflated sense of self
  • Bonsai Tree – To see a bonsai tree in your dream indicates the limitations of your own conscious mind. You need to consider what your instincts are telling you. 
  • Teaching – A dream of being a teacher is telling you that if you want to avoid unpleasant repercussions, you must control your tendency to hunt with the hounds and run
    with the hare. (Um, WHAT?!?. I really found this explanation somewhere.)
  • Martial Arts – If your dream involved others demonstrating or using this system of self-defense, you should be prepared for a surprise obstacle to your long-range ambition or plans. But if you were learning or engaging in the art yourself, you can expect your current affairs to flourish.
  • Pregnant – Negatively, being pregnant may reflect a new problem that is developing or a problem that creating more problems.
  • Miscarriage – To dream of a miscarriage represents an idea or plan that did not go as expected.  setbacks, delays, or disappointments have ruined your plans.

Interesting turnout for my dream! According to the symbolism so eloquently designed by my twisted mind, something in my life is abnormal and I need to overcome limitations and escape sometimes, whilst controlling my urge to run with wild animals to prevent obstacles in my long-range plans. Problems may create more problems and this may cause disappointment.

Welp! Good thing I’m going to Vegas in a few weeks, because now I know exactly what is to come! 😉

Acquiring the ability to interpret your dreams is a powerful tool. In analyzing your dreams, you can learn about your deep secrets and hidden feelings. Remember that no one is a better expert at interpreting your dreams than yourself. (

In all seriousness, I really do think dreams are a key into the psyche and need to be examined. Unlock your brain to truly get sizzled off life!


Sex Party 101: Lifestylers are the New Swingers


As part of the self-proclaimed San Francisco ‘glitterati’ (we had several names), I had seen pretty much everything. Sex. Drugs. Partying until noon the next day. Tutus at 5:30am on a Wednesday morning as a leftover from a Tutu Tuesday party somewhere downtown. You name it, I probably saw it at some point. As an always open-minded person, nothing ever really rattled my feathers but I still had become quite a bit more desensitized to it all. Or so I thought!

Have you ever seen the movie Eyes Wide Shut? Well, all that sex party stuff—it’s very real and pretty much its own societal subset of lads and lasses. There are hierarchies, rules, cliques, fashion, niche personas, nomenclature, and pretty much anything you would think of that would make up some sort of half-respectable subculture.

When I moved out of San Francisco at the end of 2012, I thought I had escaped the Sex Party epidemic that seemed to be spreading effortlessly into every district encumbered within the city lines (and outside of sometimes); but I was clearly wrong. It seems that every big city has its own version of sly and slinky passion-pits.

Within the first few weeks of moving to Seattle I had actually made a few good friends through the Burner scene (if you don’t know what Burning Man is, you should Google it but don’t let it frighten you). I’m used to how eccentric some of those people are and can get and it never really bothered me. That whole ‘transcendence’ crap was actually becoming my cup of tea (sort of). However, I got a tad taken off guard whilst at an “ABC (Anything But Clothes) Party” when I went to go check out the upstairs ‘talent.’ The DJ talent, you pervs! Haha.

Everyone had great costumes. Costumes made out of paper bags, tape, gems, etc. If you’ve ever been to an ABC party you know what I’m talking about. My costume was personally made out of some fancy-schmancy paper I got at a craft store and my date was the solar system. Don’t ask. Anyhow, we were having a great time at the party dancing and mingling with our friends. The DJ was awesome downstairs, but this place was HUGE! I mean, it was basically a mini-rave. We had to go wonder and check out the other music rooms.

My date had decided to go grab us a couple drinks as I was talking to some people fantastically traffic-cone-and-reflector-clad. As I stood there, I noticed a non-descript set of stairs half behind a damaged curtain. The grossness of the curtain didn’t even come as a shock to me given that we were in some tavern-like hanger dancing to techno music. Plus, I was thinking “there’s got to be some dope music upstairs too and I want to check it out!” When my date returned with our drinks I told him about the creepy staircase and we went to go check it out.

As we reached the top of the stairs, we noticed a few people heading down that were basically naked. Did this set off any red flags with me? Not really. We were at a crazy party and people were half-naked as it is in their falling-off costumes. What happened next is what I was not prepared for. As we walked into the doorway all we could see was masses and masses of ornate pillows with groups of people f*cking on them. People jacking off watching other people get off, people f*cking doggy style, reverse cowgirls, sucking each other’s bits, I mean whoa. Alrighty then! My date’s mouth immediately dropped and I was just sitting there like a deer in headlights. I was expecting a DJ in here, man!

To say the least, I was taken by surprise. That’s not exactly what I was expecting at a party, upstairs, in some shack-like big building! Aren’t these people getting splinters!? Are they tested? WTF is going on!? My date and I had to crack a couple jokes to break the tension that had ensued; stuff like “how boring, they’re only doing missionary, we could totally show them up.” Except, I wasn’t really into showing them up and he was kidding. We both were not really down with the, eh hem, activities. When I mentioned the “swinger party upstairs” to someone at the party that I knew, they had corrected me that they were called “Lifestylers.” Well, I’m sorry I’m not cool enough to know the bang-a-rang terminology! I mean, seriously. Could this night get any more interesting?

Regardless of how crazy this night turned out, this story is not to be outdone by the numerous other fancy-pants…or no pants…flings I’ve been so lucky to accidentally stumble into and have discovered something more down under. In fact, if you keep reading, I will be posting other more fun stories and they get a lot weirder and more interesting, so buckle up for this racy rollercoaster!

In case you’re someone that has their mouth slightly agape at this new revelation, let me just say that Lifestylers are not bad people. Most of them, if not all, have very stable lives and jobs outside of their own little private freakshow. Some are married, some are single. Some are voyeurs interested in learning new moves as sort of a live Kama Sutra re-enactment, and occasionally, yes, you run into a complete inappropriate creep.

I am actually friends with many of these people and they’re great people. This “lifestyle” (you can see maybe where the term catches on) is definitely NOT for everyone, though. I metaphorically sit in a non-judgmental paradigm for sure, but it’s something I could never do. There is certainly a part of yourself you have to let go. And it just matter how much of your whole self you’re willing to compromise.

You have to let go wanting to ever be monogamous with someone and having an intimacy you share with only one lover, you have to give up feeling special in a way that to me isn’t worth losing how I define my self-worth—if that makes sense. At the same time, you have to hold on to your emotional intelligence. You and your partner need to be at a complete emotional and physical equality with each other.

All in all, you just have to be aware of what swinging is all about, be respectful and non-judgmental, but stay aware of the good and bad parts. Some people can be really pushy and clingy in these groups. Be smart in your interactions with people and don’t be afraid to hold your ground if you’re not interested. I, for one, will always be a spectator, but not a participant or a voyeur. To each their own!

From one Sozzled Sister to another – if you decide to jump into the f*ckfest with way too many moving parts, please stay coordinated and get tested!

Sass vs. Crass: Buying Sex Toys for Your Friends