Total Eclipse of the Heart

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This post is aptly named to please the love of my life, who would thoroughly enjoy this cheesy pun…  I love you, KDB. You make me mad in every which way.


 

This year I told my love that I wanted to go to more festivals. When I was living in the Bay Area and San Francisco from 2003-2012, I had always frequented many of the local festivals in Golden Gate Park, Stern Grove, and Treasure Island. I was captivated by all the music, dance, art, fashion, general hoopla, and mainly the communities surrounding these events. After some years, it became a part of my soul, a part of who I am, and a piece of my heart. In 2008 I started attending Burning Man, and in 2009 I became part of one of the largest sound camps and communities on the Playa, Distrikt. California was not the only place I went to attend festivals and explore – I loved to travel as well. Outside of my driven and diligent working-girl persona, this was who I was inside-and-out: a festival girl, a wanderlust, a free spirit.

When I left San Francisco in December of 2012 to move to Seattle to chase new dreams and my heart, time seemed to slow down a bit. I moved here (Seattle) having not known anyone yet, did not have a job lined up, and generally had a bit of culture shock coming from such a wild place like San Francisco to Seattle, where things seemed much more understated; something I truly appreciate now.

In any case, let’s fast forward to 2017, the current year. I told my partner that I wanted to get back to some of my roots and start enjoying festival season again. Since I had moved to Seattle, I had enjoyed many wonderful things this city has to offer, and have traveled near and far, but had not really been to many festivals, if any at all – which is crazy because Seattle is such a musical town! …never did I realize how much he would take that request to heart…

A month or two into this year, we started planning which festivals we wanted to attend. Before we knew it, we had six festivals lined up:

  1. Detroit Movement (MI):  incredible underground Tech House, House, and Techno artists – Carl Cox and Minx, what what! – and really our jam
  2. Paradiso at The Gorge (WA):  an opportunity to camp with really good and fun friends at a visually breathtaking venue
  3. Critical Northwest (WA):  being part of a close-knit, local Burning Man community where we got to spend the week with the best of friends building and serving
  4. Pure Vision (CA):  where we got to see all of our California friends and family, where House heads unite, and where we first met six years ago
  5. Eclipse Symbiosis (OR):  HOLD ON ONE SEC, I HAVE A GOOD STORY FOR THIS… 😉
  6. Full Moon Festival and Jungle Party (Thailand, and next up!):  to be determined!

When I got to festival #5, my heart skipped a beat and a tear welled up in my eye. A happy tear… let me tell you a little something before I get to this, though…

In the last couple of years or so, my love and I had thrown around the idea of marriage a few times. However, we both were never in a big rush and wanted to give each other healthy space to grow on several accounts. We knew that we had found our person, but we also knew we both had considerable growth to do. What makes this so remarkable is that we recognized we were not perfect, made some huge mistakes, but found it in our hearts and minds to try to improve the people we were for ourselves, and for each other.

After having gone through a few extremely rough episodes in the past several years where we both thought it was over and could have easily given up, we somehow managed to heal and help each other become better people without placing serious force on the other or trying to change the other person. I think that takes a lot of damn courage and strength on both our behalves, and it also showed me how deeply we loved each other. This does not go without saying that we have some spectacular friends that have supported us along the way and believed in us as well, and for that we are thankful beyond words.

No human being is perfect, hell, perfection is boring as f*ck – but you can find the person perfect for you. To find someone that understands me in every way, let’s me be myself, always thinks I’m beautiful even when I have gross stomach issues and glitter cemented in my hair… that is a beautiful thing. He is never intimidated by my unbridled drive to be a successful business owner, we have loads of passion for each other, he let’s me be free to travel on my own to loved ones – like my little sister who I grow closer and closer to every day – and even reaches out to my father to tell him to contact me more when I feel so far from a good relationship. FYI – he called my dad one time and told him to call me, and my dad called me the next morning. My eyes exploded with a river of tears at the sound of his voice. You have no idea how much that meant to me… and how much it meant for my love to take that step for me. Still a lot of healing to do but moving on…

After a few times having discussed the possibility of joining our lives together legally (sound the alarm!), we completely dropped it and engaged in more wanderlust together. We were content and happy being just us. We had found a bit of a sweet spot with each other and we were okay being there for however long. It did not matter because we were in such a good place – I had started a successful business, we became God Parents, our best friends got engaged (I’m the Best Man!), he had been inducted into a local recording label (Viva Recordings) FINALLY after having proven over and over how talented he is, we were travelling all over, and just generally doing pretty damn good; albeit busy as hell with work (not necessarily a bad thing).

Anyways, after Pure Vision happened (festival #4) we were off to Symbiosis next. Having discussed the possibility of marriage a few times a while back and letting it go, I was completely oblivious to how much this festival may change the rest of our lives together.

The week was full of delight. The stages were architecturally fantastical and innovative, the music was magic to my ears, the art was imaginative and out of this world, the science was stimulating – and in a lot of ways it reminded me of Burning Man, but also much, much different in an immersive and pleasing way. It is nice to change things up and challenge yourself every once in a while! And the festival was appropriately named after the astronomical phenomenon that was to take place on August 21, 2017 – ECLIPSE.

We had been up dancing all night from that Sunday to Monday, my love and I. We had planned with a few friends to meet up at camp around 7:30am to get ready for the eclipse and head over to the prairie to watch it together. There were about 40-50K festival-goers heading the same direction in a horde to find their little spot on the hill to take in the soon-to-occur phenomenon. Pleasantly surprised, we had stumbled upon many of our friends in the same area we ended up. Since there was no cell service, I got on the walkie talkie and started ushering any other friends that had not arrived yet to us. Thankfully, they all seemed to find us with ease, despite the large amount of people in one area. I thought, “fuck yes, we herded the cats!” and rejoiced in my elven hood costume thingy, taking and sharing swigs of good ol’ Jameson from the bottle.

As we sat there watching and reveling in the eclipse occurrence with our special eye glasses, my love drew me in close to his side. We talked about how amazing everything was and as the eclipse shifted into totality………

I ran off and started singing f*cking Black Hole Sun to all my friends! Then I frantically searched for a meaningful blanket I had misplaced that we had gotten from a trip to Ireland together. Not long after my frenzy, my love ran over to me and took my hand and begged, “baby, please come here, trust me…,” so I went with him with a bit of a furrow in my brow of “why the f*ck is he being all vulnerable-like.” He took my hands, looked into my eyes with a deep softness I do not get to see often from him, and said, “I love you so much. I love who you are to your family, to your friends, and who you are as a person. I cannot live without you.” Then he slipped a ring on my finger while the sun was coming back into play and asked me to marry him.

To that I said, “are you f*cking serious!? …is this because you’re up and at a festival, babe?,” and really I was just in total shock, but my heart was saying yes. He laughed and muttered some indistinguishable words for a second then asked me my answer, and I finally said “yaaa! of course, yes!” He turned around to all our friends… whom were all clearly there by plan, I realize now… and told them I had said yes.

Everyone surrounded us with love, I made a “Jenn face” per usual, and cried my eyes out with shock and happiness. I really hope one of those motherf*ckers got a really good picture. I wish I would not have been such a damn spaz and ran off whilst he was initially trying to propose to me under the total eclipse, but that about sums me up, and makes a whole lot of sense, right? 😛

Let’s talk about the ring for a second. It is beautiful. A huge rare fire opal surrounded by diamonds. Looked a lot like the eclipse, to be honest. A fiery gem surrounded by a ring of light. Opals are not only my birth stone, but the fire opal specifically has been my favorite gem since I was around 9 or 10 years old when I first saw it in the Natural History Museum. I remember just thinking, “my god, this is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” and shortly after started collecting rocks and gems. My love had known (most of) this… he knew how much the gem represented me and my identity. Every birthday from when I was 16 years old and onward, my father and mother had always given me jewelry with small accent opals. Sometimes they could not find the right kind, so they got an iridescent shell instead just to make me happy. I’ve lost a few pieces here and there over the years, but the most devastating loss was a ring my father had given to me. I will not lose this one. I will hold it close to my heart forever.

When we got back home to Seattle we were met with unconditional and overwhelming amounts of love and kind messages. Our hearts feel full. My parents asked me if we have a date set, and to that I say, “are you f*cking kidding me!? we just got engaged and it took us 6 years for that!” We shall see where our next steps take us, but right now I’m really enjoying the moment, and taking it all in with the love of my life, Kyle, my rabbit, my lion.

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Smangin’ it with Turquoise Jeep

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This last Friday evening my friend Collin was working a show at The Crocodile in Seattle for the artist called “Turquoise Jeep.” Turquoise Jeep is a group of rappers that have a really mysterious origin who blew up on the scene a little over a year ago through a series of viral YouTube videos (if my wildly sought after sources serve correct) and bask in the hilarity that comes along with their slappy and oddly named tracks. One being “Lemme Smang it,” of which they played at the very end of their show and enlisted audience involvement–but I’ll get to that in a second. FYI, I had never really heard of Turquoise Jeep before, and this post isn’t really about them, but actually the nerve that one crazy white girl can have. (Eh hem.)

Now, my friend Collin is the main lighting guy at Crocodile, so we were hanging out behind the switch boards all night while he made beams of different colored neon and cool colors dance on stage. It was a ton of fun getting that perspective and the band was really fun and super engaging with their fans. They played some really silly tunes that got me hooked right away; some song about sweat pants, seriously, sweat pants, and another song called “Got to go to Cali” were pretty entertaining.

Toward the end of the show, they announced that they were going to rap one or two more tracks. All of a sudden they said something like, “Aight ya’ll, who’s ready to SMANG IT!?” Smang? What does this word mean? All I know is that it made all the ladies in the crowd go absolutely apeshit. Being the extroverted gal I am, of course it made energy run through my veins and the craziness bled over…but really how hard does someone have to try to make this “craziness” bleed into me…Jennergy? 😉 Anyways, all of a sudden the MC goes “let’s get a few of ya’ll ladies up here to SMANG IT with us!” OMG. YES! YES!!! I’m GOING. It’s GO TIME. Should I go??? F*ck it, I’m going.

All of a sudden my friend Collin looked at me and was like, “GO!” I don’t know if it was the Jameson, the incredible urge to shake a tail feather, or if I just wanted to make an ass of myself being the white (and freckled might I add) girl I am. As I scampered to the front trying, as politely as I could, to move everyone aside so that I could get up onto that stage and shake my booty, I realized that some girls were actually trying to PREVENT ME from getting on stage! The second I got to the stage front, I leaped onto it like a rabbit who had just eaten an entire bottle of Adderall. (Disclaimer:  No drugs were ingested during this stunt. Really. None. I’m just naturally this fun.)

So there I was. A white girl getting screamed at by other ladies on the sidelines to get off the stage. But then the beat came on, the rapping started, a spotlight blinded me, and I just went buck-f*cking wild! My younger years, and many years of my life, I have been a dancer. I have body rhythm and I don’t think ANYONE expected my to get down on all fours and shake it the way I did. One of the guys, Whatchyamacallit I think? …no really that is his stage name… even gave me one of those high fives that’s really not a high five. You know what I mean.

Afterwards several people helped me down and were either really impressed and smiling or making complete fun of me. Either way, I had balls, got up there, and made people smile. Also, since Collin is the lighting guy, he told me that he had the spotlight on me the whole time. Way to bring more attention to this crazy girl, bro. I have a feeling there are going to be many more good times at The Croc.

Lemme see you Smang it!

Deep Thought #3: FOMO Unraveled.

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Even the most intelligent of individuals suffer from the Fear Of Missing Out. Scientists, engineers, developers, statisticians, social Nobel prize winners, etc. 

“FOMO diffuses attention, sapping the focus which is often so necessary to success.” (Anonymous Author) 

We are all seeking some sort of peace of mind. As I have said before, to never stop thinking is a painful affliction. I’m trying to learn to trust my intuitions and decisions without feeling guilted by them. “Done is better than perfect… It’s more important to keep moving forward with a good decision than to slowly optimize for the best decision every time.” Agreed. You’re welcome.